Taking Charge of Your Emotions: The Art of Emotional Regulation
Navigating Difficult Emotions & Developing Regulation Strategies
Have you ever experienced a moment when it felt like your emotions were running the show? Perhaps during an argument, after receiving distressing news, or on a particularly tough day when everything seemed to go wrong, you found yourself losing control. Your emotions surged like a dam breaking, making it impossible to maintain your composure. These are the times when emotional regulation skills become invaluable.
Emotional regulation doesn't entail suppressing or ignoring your feelings and responses. Instead, it's about regaining control when your emotions threaten to overpower you. Rather than being governed by your emotions, you learn to be guided by them. Emotional regulation skills provide you with the tools needed to slow down and respond rather than react.
React vs. Respond: Understanding the Distinction
While "react" and "respond" are often used interchangeably, there's a subtle but crucial difference between the two. Reacting is a purely emotional response, while responding involves emotional intelligence. When we react, we act without considering our feelings or how they influence our actions. It's an instantaneous, in-the-moment response driven by intense emotions.
Responding, on the other hand, involves taking a moment to contemplate what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and what that feeling signifies. It allows you to honor your emotions by investigating them while still applying logic and values to guide your actions.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the skill of managing your emotional reactions. Essentially, it means slowing down and thinking before you act. While our emotions provide valuable information about ourselves—our values, vulnerabilities, and how we relate to others—they don't always reflect objective reality. Practicing emotional regulation enables you to honour your feelings by giving you an opportunity to reflect on them and what they reveal about you, all without allowing your behaviour to be solely dictated by them.
How Can You Practice Emotional Regulation?
A well-established mindfulness practice is a powerful tool for emotional self-regulation. Mindfulness involves letting your thoughts pass without clinging to them, staying firmly rooted in the present moment, and engaging all your senses to remain grounded. In this way, mindfulness practices enable you to slow down and observe your emotions, much like leaves floating down a river, rather than letting them define your reality.
Here's how you can practice mindful emotional regulation:
Identify and Name Your Emotions: When you sense your feelings overpowering you, take a moment to pause and ask yourself: "What am I actually feeling right now?" This can be challenging, as we're not often taught to slow down and label our emotions.
A feelings wheel can be a helpful tool if you're new to this practice. Start with one of the seven general emotions (bad, fearful, angry, disgusted, sad, happy, surprised) at the center and move outward to find the specific emotion you're experiencing.
Cognitive Reappraisal: Once you've identified your emotions, acknowledge the thought associated with the feeling, but remind yourself that it doesn't necessarily represent the truth. Cognitive reappraisal, a skill used in various therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), involves replacing a negative or distressing thought with a more positive or neutral possibility.
For example, the thought "My friend sent me straight to voicemail, so they are mad at me" can be reframed as "My friend sent me straight to voicemail; they must be busy. I'm sure they'll see the missed call and check in when they have time."
Emotional regulation requires intention and practice, so don't be discouraged if it doesn't come naturally at first. Working with a therapist can provide you with additional strategies for regulating your emotions and reclaiming control over your life. If you're interested in developing these skills, please do not hesitate to connect with me for a free consultation to learn more about how I can support you with your emotions, goals, and challenges.
